Byline: by Tanya Sweeney
A SK anyone who has been single for more than five minutes, and they'll tell you that blind dates are a nerve-wracking event. And today's one is no different. Happily, my lunch date is waiting by the door of our chosen restaurant, earnestly checking his phone as I make my approach.
Standing six feet tall, he looks good from afar, certainly better than the run-of-the-mill bloke you're likely to meet on a Saturday night. But then I realise at close range he's wearing... grey. A grey hoodie, in fact. And jeans, with trainers. And he hasn't shaved.
Yet given that it's been quite the whirlwind week for 35-year-old Hugh Flood, it's no wonder that attention to such detail has gone by the wayside. Little did he know that, by creating a Twitter account under the name WifeWanted, that his quest to find a significant other would gain him so much attention. The phone hasn't stopped ringing, for a start. Among those making the calls are a documentary company, not to mention the producers of a certain British chat show. 'I've had someone talk to me about going on Loose Women,' he says. 'I had a look and one episode and thought, "No way".' Time to put this chap through his paces on a date, and see precisely what the women of Ireland are missing. A quick scurry around the Internet presents no evidence of psychotic behaviour, a criminal past or extra limbs, and so a lunch date in Dublin's Cafe Novo is made.
There are two things I immediately notice about Hugh when I meet him. Despite me warning him in advance to 'bring his A-Game' to our date, there is the aforementioned casual appearance. He mentions that he has to do some cleaning at work, yet frankly this lack of sartorial effort is a let-down, setting as it does a decidedly non-date vibe.
The second thing I notice is that he smiles and shakes my hand with the wariness of a man who has just sold himself into a pact with the devil. As well he might; it doesn't take a genius to know that in recent times, Irish women's standards have become highly exacting when it comes to their men. It's not just on TV3's Take Me Out that women are fussy to the point of perfectionism. Alas, these exacting standards and the highly cavalier attitude of men on the dating scene don't really tally.
Perhaps because of this wariness, and maybe because it's a lunch date involving a journalist and a Dictaphone, I notice that Hugh overlooks a few rudimentary dating pointers. I let him away with not pulling out my chair when I go to sit at the table (I've yet to meet an Irish man who will), but then things take a slightly shaky turn when we go to order. I offer him the wine list, which he waves away.
'No, you work away,' he says. 'I won't drink, as I have to go back to the office and do stuff. I'll have fizzy water. Be all sensible.' Yes, fizzy water, that well-known aphrodisiac...
Way to sweep a girl off her feet, right? I tell him that I'll order the risotto: 'Risotto sounds perfect. I'll take your word for it. The Shepherd's Pie looks good, but it might be a bit heavy as I'm not a big eater during the day.' I've not yet been on a date with a man actively hunting for a wife, nor I should think has Hugh ever been on a date with someone wielding a Dictaphone.
Either way, it's a slightly awkward start, but still, at least we won't be bloated in the afternoon.
Yet here's where things got interesting; part of me had been prepared to denounce Hugh as the sort of man who desperately needed a helping hand from the great Internet to find someone.
Despite this whirlwind of attention, one's initial instinct is to deem Hugh's online plea as not just unorthodox, but a teeny-tiny bit pitiable.
After all, there's a gossamer-fine line between enthusiasm and desperation. While the single girl has long been publicly portrayed as footloose and fancy-free -- a designer clad, Cosmosipping libertine, if you will -- the same often can't be said for her male counter-part. Single men are either viewed as commitment-phobes intent on playing the field until their joints give out, or socially-inept saddos, who can't catch a break. As for someone happy to publicise their desire to find a wife on such a public platform... well, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't wondering exactly what was wrong with WifeWanted.
Yet as it happens, Hugh is quite an affable sort who is rather easy-going company. And on the romance front, it seems he's been faring quite well down the years, thank you very much.
He is father to 14-year-old Saidbh, the result of one of his two 'very serious' relationships.
'The relationship (that produced) my daughter was five years,' he explains, as the waitress takes away our menus.
'We bought a house and everything, and she's now happily married with three lovely kids. Then there have also been a few short-term things where you see a girl for three months or six months.
'The last (relationship) was three years; then we took a break then went out together for another year. But it just didn't work out, though we tried and tried. A few months before, we were just hanging in there for the sake of it. So I took time out, concentrated on work and now here I am.' Like most single people, he is unsure as to why he is still searching for a partner.
'Type-wise, I go to the opposite for what I went for before and before,' he admits.
'I went for the same kind of person down the years, and I'm still single. My type would have been dark-haired, tall, creative, arty. Obviously I go for the wrong type of person. That's the conclusion anyway.
'Maybe in some cases it was my immaturity, and I wasn't ready to be with someone,' he adds.
'You have to stand up and go, "I've learned from my past, I know where I went wrong and made mistakes". Certain things happened that I wouldn't let happen again.' A waitress arrives with our drinks -- sparkling water for him, a nervesteadying Prosecco for me -- and Hugh immediately picks up bonus points.
Where most Irish men surreptitiously give an attractive waitress the once-over, I'm glad to report that Hugh has been polite to her, yet remains focused on our conversation. The waitress clocks the Dictaphone; if Hugh feels self-conscious about talking about past girlfriends, he certainly doesn't show it.
Is he picky when it comes to potential partners, I ask? 'I don't know, maybe I was and now I'm trying not to be,' he muses.
'You're getting older and friends are getting married. It's got to the stage where my single friends and I go out to have fun, not to go on a mission to meet someone.' However, Hugh admits that, while he's met most of his girlfriends while out and about, he's not always one for making the bold approach in a pub or nightclub.
'If you think about it, there's a real habit for guys to sink ten pints and just go (slurs) "Howyeh" to someone,' he reflects. 'Maybe I would, but you'd go and make an complete eejit of yourself. I would look at someone from a distance more than I'd actually go talk to them. Plus, you can't tell if someone is married or in a relationship.' Our risottos arrive, and as we dig in (table manners: present and correct), I ask him about the most romantic thing he's ever done for a girlfriend: 'You'd have to ask them.' He squirms for a bit, before admitting: 'For someone who works in sales, I'm diabolical at selling myself. I did take a girlfriend to Paris, although we did pay for it together.
'She didn't realise she was going to a rugby match too, I told her on the plane, but she did enjoy it, and it was the first time going to it.' 'That's the most romantic thing you've ever done,' I ask somewhat incredulously.
'Well, I've done the usual... cooking dinner, breakfast in bed, flowers at work, that kind of thing.' Phew. For a second I thought I'd have to administer some harsh words.
It wasn't desperation that drove Hugh to start the Twitter account, rather it was more boredom during time off over Christmas.
'I started Twitter for my company (he works in tourism/marketing), even though I didn't understand how it works,' explains Hugh.
'I wasn't getting any reaction with the account under my own name. You go to the pub, you have a few drinks it clouds your perception of people, and vice versa, I'm sure people's perception of me was clouded too. So I thought this might be the way to go about things.' But why use the word 'wife', a term loaded with meaning and a sure-fire statement of intent? 'I thought of using the word "girlfriend" but I thought, no, by using wife, it was me saying, "This is where I am in my life". I want to settle down; you don't want to be 40-45 having children.
'I'm happy enough but I'd like to be happy with someone. I have a happy life and enjoy who I am, but if this doesn't work out, so be it.' Risotto polished off (me at twice the speed, I notice), I try tempting him with the dessert menu.
The man's not for budging, mumbling something about how he wants to get a health-kick underway, pronto.
With all eyes trained on his next few dates, I wouldn't blame him. It was when researchers on Ray D'Arcy's TodayFM show picked up on the Twitter account that Hugh's plight gained traction, and 'things spiralled out of control'. Ever the harbinger of optimism, D'Arcy sent Hugh out on three dates with three different women the following day.
'They went well,' surmises Hugh. 'The three girls were lovely, and with the last girl, Carol, we went out on Sunday and went for coffee last night. Long term though, we're thinking it probably wouldn't work out. But we're going to get surfing lessons over the summer. We'll probably be mates.' Hugh orders a cappuccino, while I go the whole hog and order more Prosecco and a creme brulee.
'You can't beat booze on a first date,' I admit.
'Yes, but it can also be a bit dangerous,' he reminds me.
I shake my second dessert spoon at him by way of offering, which he politely declines.
Of D'Arcy's matchmaking skills, he recalls: 'It was a bit weird being on three dates in one day.
'It was tough going, even though the three of them were really nice. It was a bit intense, like being stuck in a goldfish bowl.' It's something that Hugh may well have to get used to in the coming weeks.
'I've had people coming up going, "There's that guy",' he reveals. 'A lot of people are intrigued. There are a lot of guys on Twitter going, "Fair play, at least you've the courage to do it".' Even daughter Saidbh is on board with the project. 'I had a good chat with her and told her what was happening and said, "If at any point you want me to stop I'll stop",' says Hugh. 'She's like, "It's good you want to find someone".' Then, with a smile he adds, 'She wants someone to go shopping with 'cos Daddy's no good at that. Everything she tries on is too short.' As he speaks affectionately about his daughter, it quickly becomes apparent that Hugh is a guy with his heart in the right place. Alas, there is no spark -- he's too timid and easygoing for my taste -- but I've no doubt that there is someone out there for him. And where he might lack the dazzling charisma you'll find in your average toxic bachelor, he easily makes up for in sincerity. And in the cut-throat world of dating, being genuine is arguably a currency far better than a charm offensive.
Where most people in Hugh's single position might resort to online dating before soliciting a life partner via Twitter, Hugh is adamant that his approach might just be more of a winning formula. And, after meeting him, I'd wager that he's probably on a faster track to wedded bliss than most other single men I've met.
'When it comes to online dating, there are two ways of looking at it,' he concludes.
'One, they're looking for sex, or they're afraid to say they're looking for something more serious, and they put the barriers up. My approach puts me at an advantage. The cards are on the table, and if they're not the cards for you, fine.
'There's a lot of bullsh** when it comes to dating; this no ringing for three days stuff, for example. Life's too short. But then, I'm the sort of person who has never really played by the rules.' As if a man with the online alias of WifeWanted could ever be anything else...
CAPTION(S):
A date with destiny? Tanya and Hugh Flood, aka WifeWanted
Eat your heart out: Tanya dines with WifeWanted
Комментариев нет:
Отправить комментарий